Can of worms

26 August, 2008

A recent post of mine sledging Olympic rowing commentator, Nick Green, ended with the Iine, ‘Special = Retarded”.

Little did I realise that my comments would create a stir in Los Angeles – the next day activists protested against depictions of developmental disability and the use of the word “retarded”.

Or maybe they were referring to Ben Stiller’s latest movie, Tropic Thunder?

Speaking of Ben Stiller, he’s the subject of one of my favourite ever comedy lines, courtesy of Ricky Gervais, creator and star of the classic TV series, Extras.

Ben Stiller: And who are you?
Andy Millman: Nobody.
Ben Stiller: What?
Andy Millman: Nobody.
Ben Stiller: Exactly. And who am I?
Andy Millman: Either Starsky or Hutch, I can never remember.
Ben Stiller: Was that supposed to be funny?
Andy Millman: You tell me, you were in it.

And while we’re on the subject of comedy, and retards, here’s another classic, from Borat:

Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): I’m, er… recently retired…
Borat: You are a retard?
Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): Er… yes…
Borat: Er… physical or mental?
Bethany Weston (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): [to Jared] Retired…
Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): RETIRED! I don’t work anymore…
Bethany Weston (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): Stopped work…
Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): STOPPED WORKING!
Borat: [quietly across the table] Is very good you allow retard to, er…
[mumbles politely]

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The bloke on the left wins gold

18 August, 2008

Sports Illustrated has an amazing sequence of photos showing the miraculous escape by Michael Phelps in the 100 metres butterfly.

Do you think Silver medallist Cavic will be haunted by this photo for the rest of his life?

Conspiracy theories abound but Photo 5 from the Sports Illustrated sequence almost convinces me…

Maybe Phelps has hidden propellers in his ears.


Proof I’m not the nerdiest one in my family

16 August, 2008

These are my two brothers, circa 1990.

They still dress the same way.


Leapster take a bow

10 August, 2008

The weekly column by Sunday Age writer Leaping Larry is one of the highlights of my week.

How’s this for a great line today on the Shaw/Didak/Shaw/McGuire farce:

You’d think that footballers + alcohol + cars was about as well-established an equation for disaster as monkeys + matches + dynamite.

Keep up the great work, Leapster.


Melbourne-based husky team?

17 June, 2008

It takes a lot to make me smile when I have a Man Cold.

But the other evening, as I trudged my way to class (nothing like 3 hours of night school to help beat that cold), I saw one of the world’s funniest sights.

The scene: At the bottom of the steps, Flinders St station

The sound: Whilst waiting for the lights to change I heard a ‘commotion’ working its way down the hill from Princes Bridge. A few people were laughing and pointing.

The sight: Suddenly he came into sight: a man on roller skates being towed along by two dogs. He was going at least 30 kmh and yelling and yahoo-ing all the way across the Flinders/Swanston intersection. I think I caught sight of some bizaree wig and jump-suit costume – not sure, he was going too fast to take it all in.

Someone I told the story to has also seen this bizarre sight.

Has anyone else seen this mystery man? What is it all about? Who the hell is he??? What do you Google to find out? (I tried ‘man on roller skates being towed by two dogs in Melbourne’ but got zip).

Photo credit: Jeweledlion

It’s not just a cold – it’s a Man Cold

13 June, 2008

I’ve been a bit under the weather this week.

I keep telling people I don’t just have a cold, I have a Man Cold. But they just give me blank looks.

Maybe this classic skit from Man Stroke Woman will help me get the sympathy I deserve.


Weak as p*ss, Pear

23 May, 2008

There I was, sitting in the excellent Red ‘n Black Spot Cafe in Fletcher St, Essendon this morning, when who should walk in but star Essendon defender, Dustin Fletcher.

I was on my way out.

I looked at him. He looked at me. I looked at him again.

Do you think I had the balls to ask him for the $30?

Nope.

‘Good luck tomorrow, mate,’ was all I could muster.

‘Thanks very much mate,’ he replied, pleasantly.

Almost as bad as the day we saw the Crows get off their team bus and decided we would walk through the middle of them and jostle Tony Modra. Until we saw how big he was up close.