Story in a sentence – AFL style

bombers1.jpg I found an interesting site yesterday, One Sentence – True Stories Told in One Sentence.

It’s pretty self-explanatory really – here’s one example that took my fancy:

I don’t want him to see that I carved the word ‘FAT’ into my thigh with a razor, not because of what he’ll think of me for being a self-harmer, but because he might agree with my thigh.

My one-track mind thought it would be fun to construct a few stories-in-a-sentence for some of the great and not-so-great moments from my history of supporting the Essendon Football Club (the Bombers). Here are my early attempts:

1. Startled into action by Scotty Lucas’ surprise right-foot kick, Moorcraft soared … and soared … and soared, then came crashing down, ball in hand, for the mark of the century.

2. Enter Leon Baker, and with a baulk and a blind turn, the 1984 Grand Final was ours for the taking.

3. “One more!”, said Kernahan, but he kicked out on the full and the Bombers celebrated a lucky draw.

4. Carlton hoisted Jim Buckley into the air, thinking the game was won, but they hadn’t reckoned on Neale Daniher’s heroics in time on.

5. “I touched it!” pleaded Silvani, but no-one could touch Michael Long on that memorable day.

6. “Get some skills, Ablett!” shouted my mate Col, something he came to regret 14 goals later.

7. “I agree with you 100%” said Phil Carman, accidentally collecting the boundary umpire with his nodding head.

8. “I’m not leaving till I get a kick”, declared Rock Star, something he would come to regret when it got dark at VFL Park.

9. We wrote “Crows suck sh*t” on my car’s dusty windscreen in the AAMI Stadium carpark – and by the end of the game, they did!

10. Even if the Bombers only win three games in a season, it is permissible to be seen on TV doing a Dancing Homer impression if one of them is against Collingwood!

OK Scott, Col etc – it’s your turn now.

I’m also going to post this as a challenge to my friends on the Bombertalk forum – will let you know of any humourous contributions from over there.

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14 Responses to Story in a sentence – AFL style

  1. Malcolm says:

    I don’t much understand this Bombers stuff. Can’t we have something on Ben Cousins?

  2. clarkebruce says:

    OK here goes:

    1. Having seen all of the benefits the use of ‘ice’ brings to a person’s health and fitness, Ben thought “why not?”.

    2. Sick of being seen as a fair player, focused only on the ball, Ben decided it was time to introduce some ‘white line fever’ into his game.

    3. Having admitted he had a substance-abuse problem and was entering rehab, the media thought the best way to assist Ben in his recovery would be to stake out his every move and create a media frenzy at the airport.

    4. Having successfully passed 14 drug tests in the last year, Ben Cousins’ phone started running hot with ‘how-to’ enquiries from Tour de France cyclists.

  3. col gray says:

    When I saw Mad Dog Robbie Muir at the footy, I told him how I’d seen him on TV earlier that day, to which he replied “What have I done this time?”

  4. col gray says:

    Humiliation soon overcame jubilation as Paul Roos realised that the embarrassing truth of his jumper number had been revealed at Windy Hill.

  5. col gray says:

    Anti terrorism laws of today prevent supporters smuggling billiard balls into the MCG, which is a blessing to the Phoenix Hotel, who are forced to offer one short on the pool table.

  6. col gray says:

    “Sorry mate” was the phrase that became Santa’s catch cry as he stood on yet another foot.

  7. col gray says:

    It seemed the desired laxative at the time was Carlton which made Bruce Clarke decide by choice that revelling in a footy dump was far more satisfying than revelling in a premiership win.

  8. clarkebruce says:

    Classics every single one of them!

  9. clarkebruce says:

    “Uncle Pear nearly went home in a divvie van”, confessed Adam Gray to his disapproving mum, following a memorable victory over the West Coast.

  10. clarkebruce says:

    “I reckon I could make it out into the middle of the MCG without getting nabbed” boasted Barnesy to his disbelieving mates.

  11. clarkebruce says:

    “Where’s Anthony?” enquired Alyson.

  12. col gray says:

    “Leave him on, get Sommerville off” cried a disgruntled crowd as Barnsey gave Plod the run around on the hallowed turf of the MCG.

  13. Mooseboy says:

    What about that Grandmother who was heard shouting “You Sh*t Me Bradley?”

  14. clarkebruce says:

    Note – above comment relates to Carl-scum stalwart Craig Bradley and not Essendon plodder Kepler Bradley.

    PS – The Grandmother in question was my mum.

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